The Wind Cries...Mary

Dear Mary, You will be missed and always loved. Where ever you are now, know that I am a better person for having the chance to have you in my life. I look forward to seeing you again in the next life. Love, Sandy.

There's Something About Mary

The past couple of weeks have been trying. My dad called me on Feb. 26 to tell me that my great Aunt Mary had been sent home on hospice care. She is my great aunt for more than the obvious reason that she is my Granny's sister. Here is another reason...
That's her with some of her grandchildren at our family reunion. For years, she has made an appearance in the bikini shirt. Dances. Sings. And last year, when it was difficult for her to walk, her granddaughter's boyfriend helped her strut around.

Here's another reason...I've always known that Mary was incredible. Yes, she was sweet and wise, but sweet Lord, she was FUNNY! Her sisters (including my Granny, the one they call "Saint Alice") were usually embarrassed because she wasn't afraid to say something inappropriate. She always seemed much younger than her years. And she could grab a baby and love on them like no one else. As she would say, "I could just kiss your face off." (This is her with Connery in July 07.)

Sandy and the boys and I drove to Chattanooga to see her the weekend after Daddy called, and as hard as it was to see her weak, it was also comforting just to see her again, to be able to tell her how much we loved her. To see her wake and brighten when she saw the boys or when one of her grandchildren fed her ice cream or brushed her hair. When I first saw her, I sat by her bed, held her hand and cried silently. She opened her eyes--crystal blue, by the way--reached up and wiped my tears. As long as I live, I will remember that. It really symbolized what she did all her life. Even when she was in pain, she tried to comfort others.

When we left to come home on Sunday, I felt a strong pull to stay behind and just let the boys go home. My cousin David told me that my Granny felt the same way when she left. So on Thursday, I picked my Granny up in Crossville, TN and drove to spend Mary's last days with her. Those last days taught me more than I can ever sum up here. In fact, I think I will realize more of those lessons in years to come.



...Those two sisters taught me to appreciate my own. When they look at each other, I wonder if they see what they looked like when they were little.
...Looking through old pictures taught me that time is fleeting by. And that my dad and his cousin Pam played house when they were kids. ;)
...Watching Mary's children laugh and cry with her taught me that the bond between mother and child is always, always as precious as the first moment they meet.

We cried a lot that weekend. But we laughed. A lot. Often through the tears. And that, I think, is the greatest lesson.


My granny amazed me. She stayed by her sister's side almost the entire time we were there. At 11:20 Friday night, my cousin told me I needed to make her go to sleep. (I was flattered that they thought I could make my granny do anything. ;) But when I asked her to get some rest, she sweetly said, "I will. Just give me 30 more minutes. You can time me." I think she knew that Mary was leaving; 10 minutes later, she called my cousins to the bed, and I went through the house to get the others. At 11:35, Mary took her last breath.

Mary passed away quietly with her children, grandchildren and her oldest sister all around her.
At her funeral, I sang a song called "Mary" by Patty Griffin. Now, I can't get these lines out of my head.

Mary, she moves behind me. She leaves her fingerprints everywhere. Every time the snow drifts, every way the sand shifts, even when the night lifts, she's always there.

Sweet Mary, I do love you "gooder'n snuff and better'n bakker." I'll laugh at least once every day for you, kiss my boys at least twice, and make sure somebody wears that bikini this year. They'll dance. And we'll laugh.

Brotherly Yuv

As we all four lay in bed watching The Lone Ranger, I heard Connery tell Kieran, "I yuv oo, Theh-Theh." I reached for my camera, of course, and caught the moment...which quickly turned silly.

Brother
(Toad The Wet Sprocket)

i find my brother in there
deep in my heart
i find my brother in there
hold in my arms
i love you
and if I seem too quiet now
there are no words
to tell you how
i love you
i often feel
like the prodigal son
take all I need
giving back none
our beauty shows
in such different ways
you're like the light behind the fog
so soft
but still you burn my eyes away
i find my brother in there
deep in my heart
i find my brother in there
hold in my arms
i love you
and if I seem too quiet now
there are no words to show you how
i love you
so much has changed
and so much has happened these years
but still I find that you
are waiting here
we have a bond
that nothing can change
and still I find
a peace of mind
whenever I hear your name
and if I seem too quiet now
there are no words to show you how
i love you

Family Pic

HI Everyone. Amy and I were lucky enough to spend a nice evening at home with the boys. Even though we were exhausted from the week we decided that since everyone was nicely playing together and were all in the living room that we would take a few minutes to try to snap some family pictures. We took about 20 picture and I think there were 2 that worked out well. We tried to get one with the animals as well. Our dog when we finally had the cooperation of our dog (Gryphon) and cat (Sweets), we could not get Connery to pay attention. C'est la vie. At least we have a good representation of Kieran's forced camera smile. Have a great weekend everyone!

1-11-05 5:04 pm

That's the moment Kieran entered our world. All the words I can think of to describe that moment seem inad- equate. He was tiny, shriveled, loud, with dark brown hair and already big eyes. Until then I had known the love of a wife to husband, daughter to father, daughter to mother, sister to sister, friend to friend... but somehow when I looked at that tiny boy, I was overcome with a love I had never experienced or even imagined. As my friend Sean said when his daughter Anna was born, "I realized that parents love their children more than children love their parents." Any parent knows it's not an even exchange. And now I was witness.

The Indian word Kiran means "ray of light," and I'll never forget the moment Sandy's mother pointed to the sky and explained it. "You see the individual rays from the sun, coming through those clouds? That's kiran." I hate to over-romanticize anything, especially a 4 year old boy who spends his fair share of time in the corner. But, on his birthday, I can't help but overlook the mundane. Kieran truly is our ray of light. You see, he was born just over a year after my cousin Eric was killed, and only months after my Uncle Al died. In fact, I was pregnant with Kieran when I visited Al for the last time. During that visit, his friend showed us both a branch from the cottonwood tree, Al's favorite. I was amazed to see that if you cut a cottonwood branch at the thick knuckly parts, you'll find a brown star in the cross-section. A true star. Al's friend explained the legend of the cottonwood.

Stars don’t begin in the heavens.

They begin on earth, traveling up through the limbs

of the cottonwood tree and waiting on the tips of

its branches. When one star falls to the earth,

another leaps from the tree to take its place in the sky.

I knew Al was preparing to leave this earth, and I still grieved Eric. Then when Kieran was only 9 months old, Sandy's father passed away suddenly. And again, I thought of the cottonwood. Kieran came to earth, his "Dada" spend a short time with him, then left to take his place in the sky. I don't believe in reincarnation and wouldn't put so much pressure on a little boy as to claim that his purpose is to fulfill the lives these men left behind. But sometimes when he laughs or gets excited over something very simple, or puts his arm around his brother, I can't help but think that's exactly what he's doing.

My life has never been the same since that little boy came into it. It's larger now. Full of more laughter, more worry, more wonder. My Uncle Al once said, "There is joy in life every day if we choose it." Kieran makes that choice so much easier.

Happy New Year!

We welcomed 2009 together (yes, all 4 of us awake!) at Toser and Tater's house with their parents and some friends we've known for many New Year's Eve celebrations. We were only a little surprised that the boys stayed awake. They tend to be night owls like their mommy. We WERE suprised that the three toddlers who stayed awake (K, C, and ?Toser) were still in good moods ;)

Our first family portrait of 2009...taken at about a minute after midnight.

Our friend Matt asked C what his New Year's resolution was, and he said, "Go Honey Pot," which is a gift shop in town. Of all things! ;) Who knows what goes on in a 2 year old's mind??

We actually do have a few NYResolutions, of course. Or goals, if you will. Here are a few...
run a 5k.
save $, of course.
stop talking about visiting some friends, and actually DO it.
watch less tv and spend more family time together.
Break K from sucking his lip. ...that one may carry over into 2010, I'm afraid. Here's a little history on that.

When our niece Serena was little, she tucked her bottom lip in her mouth and sucked it. Like some children suck their thumb, Serena sucked her bottom lip. Even when she was in elementary school, we would catch her doing it without realizing it. Now Kieran does the EXACT same thing! You might notice in lots of his pictures, he's got his lip tucked in. I've caught him doing it while he sleeps, too. Our only worry is that it will affect his teeth. Not really sure what to do to break him from it, since we can't use the thumb-sucking tricks we've heard of--can't exactly wrap it up or put Tabasco sauce on it. We've started giving him gentle reminders like we all did for Serena. "Lip, Kieran," and that works for at least 10 seconds. Problem is, we said "Lip, Serena" until she was in 3rd grade. Oh, boy.


We'll leave you with some New Year's Boy-speak:
The other day, Sandy and the boys and I just happened to sit "criss-cross, applesauce" in a circle facing each other. Sandy asked Kieran and Connery little questions like "Where's your Mommy?" or "Do you have a brother?" It was a neat little family moment and Sandy was trying to get Kieran to say "a family" when he asked "What are we?" But Kieran's answer...Pirates!! I had forgotten that before and after every t-ball game, Sandy asked "What are we?" and the boys yelled Pirates!!

Kieran requests his pizza without "the red things that are circles."

One day, I ordered hot chocolate for the boys (at Kenny Mango's of course--I'm a junkie) and they made it just warm for us. Still, after several minutes, Kieran said he couldn't drink it, because "he put a lot of hot in it."

K's favorite places to eat:
Place with the peanuts on the ground (Logan's)
Place where I can put cheese in my hand (Pizza Hut)
Place beside the place with peanuts on the ground (Rosie's)
The chicken and dumplin's place (Cracker Barrel)

Connery says
his L's like Y's,
his S's like TH's,
his W's like V's,
his R blends (like cr, tr, str) like F's,
and he doesn't say the Y at the beginning of words...
so "oo have to yissen" closely when he says things like "fithah fee" (Christmas tree) or "I vont to vatch va-ee" (I want to watch Wall-E), or requests a "fah bayee" (strawberry), or my favorite "I yuh oo" (I love you). And, don't be embarrassed when he shouts about the big truck nearby.

The boy LOVES to sing! His favorite tunes are Ba Ba Black Sheep and Hunty Dunty. The other morning, he was lying beside me, and I heard him whispering. I leaned in to hear what he said, and he was whisper-singing!

He answers most questions with "Mm-yah" or "Mm-naw," and really accentuates his own questions by raising his pitch (and eyebrows) waaaaaaay high at the end. AT least an octave higher than his normal pitch.

He's started climbing into bed with us just as often as Kieran does. He's not as quiet about it, though, and usually comes in crying, "I 'cared."

He has used the potty several times, but when we've tried Underwear Days at home, I spend a lot of time cleaning up pee, so we don't do those very often. He has actually done "the big job" on the potty more than he's peed on it. Little backwards, huh?

A friend on NYE said "They get along too well," because 90% of the time, they are very sweet to each other. This morning, Kieran walked back to their room, got C's blanket and covered him up while he slept. They always ask for two jelly beans or two vitamins so they have one for their brother. And when K stayed the night at Ba's house last week, the first thing out of C's mouth the next morning was, "Where Theh-theh?"

It's hard to believe that Conneyr moves up to preschool next week, which is the same level K is in! Fortunately, their school has two preschool classes, so he'll be in the one across the hall from K, so they have some independence. Their personalities are so different that I think it will help not to be in the same class where they'll get compared more. And C so loves pestering his brother. Something tells me they'd both be in more trouble if they were together all day.

There may never be another picture that shows their personalities better than this. ;)
Happy 2009 everybody!!

Finn, our blue eyed boy

When I first met Finn, he weighed less than 10 pounds, was puffy, all curled up...and the cutest thing I had ever seen. He was the first-born of our best friends, and as I held him and rested his newborn body on my big belly, I thought, "Soon, little Kieran will meet you, too." We didn't know whether Kieran would be a boy or girl, so we weren't sure if they would play "pirates" or "house," but we were excited that we would raise them together. We discovered that even their names were connected: Finn "fair-haired" and Kieran "little dark one."

Since then they've played t-ball together, found treasure at the beach, watched movies, fought over toys, ridden in the wagon, chased each other at outdoor concerts, ridden horses, played guitar, jumped on the sofa, and taken baths which will embarrass them when they're older. We noticed early on that they get along like brothers--not always sweetly--but with the recognition that they've been together from the start.

Yesterday was Finn's birthday, and we were honored to spend it with the big guy at Red Robin (his favorite) and the movies watching Madagascar 2. The funny guy sang his own rendition of "I like to move it, move it" at lunch, and it will forever be "his song" in my mind. (That, and "3 Little Birds"...And when Kieran asked for a bite of his birthday ice cream, Finn dipped right in and gave him one.

Finn, we love you more each day, each year. As Kieran explained to me this morning: "I like to go play baseball with Finn, cause he's on my team. He's my pirate friend, because he loves me." Happy Birthday to our Pirate Friend Finn.