1-11-05 5:04 pm

That's the moment Kieran entered our world. All the words I can think of to describe that moment seem inad- equate. He was tiny, shriveled, loud, with dark brown hair and already big eyes. Until then I had known the love of a wife to husband, daughter to father, daughter to mother, sister to sister, friend to friend... but somehow when I looked at that tiny boy, I was overcome with a love I had never experienced or even imagined. As my friend Sean said when his daughter Anna was born, "I realized that parents love their children more than children love their parents." Any parent knows it's not an even exchange. And now I was witness.

The Indian word Kiran means "ray of light," and I'll never forget the moment Sandy's mother pointed to the sky and explained it. "You see the individual rays from the sun, coming through those clouds? That's kiran." I hate to over-romanticize anything, especially a 4 year old boy who spends his fair share of time in the corner. But, on his birthday, I can't help but overlook the mundane. Kieran truly is our ray of light. You see, he was born just over a year after my cousin Eric was killed, and only months after my Uncle Al died. In fact, I was pregnant with Kieran when I visited Al for the last time. During that visit, his friend showed us both a branch from the cottonwood tree, Al's favorite. I was amazed to see that if you cut a cottonwood branch at the thick knuckly parts, you'll find a brown star in the cross-section. A true star. Al's friend explained the legend of the cottonwood.

Stars don’t begin in the heavens.

They begin on earth, traveling up through the limbs

of the cottonwood tree and waiting on the tips of

its branches. When one star falls to the earth,

another leaps from the tree to take its place in the sky.

I knew Al was preparing to leave this earth, and I still grieved Eric. Then when Kieran was only 9 months old, Sandy's father passed away suddenly. And again, I thought of the cottonwood. Kieran came to earth, his "Dada" spend a short time with him, then left to take his place in the sky. I don't believe in reincarnation and wouldn't put so much pressure on a little boy as to claim that his purpose is to fulfill the lives these men left behind. But sometimes when he laughs or gets excited over something very simple, or puts his arm around his brother, I can't help but think that's exactly what he's doing.

My life has never been the same since that little boy came into it. It's larger now. Full of more laughter, more worry, more wonder. My Uncle Al once said, "There is joy in life every day if we choose it." Kieran makes that choice so much easier.